I started running again..
I went for my run at East Coast Park after the cell group meeting last night.. I ran further than I used to do but it wasn't a good run at all... I was very much exhausted and breathless.. Perhaps its due to the fact that I hasn't eat anything since early afternoon.. Or perhaps its because I hasn't slept since previous night.. Perhaps...
I wasn't in the right frame of mind.. Images of her keep flashing through.. All those memories keep on showing up... It maybe a short time that we spent together but it has a definite impact in my life... They say that when you found the one person that you will want to spent the rest of your life with, you will go through tremendous changes and transformation take places from within.. You are willing to give your all to that person just to see them happy.. Unconditionally...
I thought I finally found someone who can share the same interest with me, someone who will go running with me.. someone who is able to motivate me when I'm down and confused.. someone who will listens to me about my problems.. someone who believes in me.. someone whom I am willing to sacrifice for.. someone who made me want to settle down with..
Maybe I was thinking too far and too much.. maybe I am just too emotional.. maybe I just couldn't handle my feelings right... maybe I am not ready for a relationship yet.. Maybe I was planning the future ahead.. maybe I am concern of your well being.. maybe I was worried when I don't hear you at all.. maybe I'm just beginning to know you and we needed more time.. Maybe...
Too many times I wanted to tell someone about what I am going through but it seems to me I can't tell anyone at all.. No one seems to understands.. No one will... No one wants to anyway.. I realise that I have to face it alone.. I promise myself that I will not want to bother anyone about my problems again anymore.. NOT ANYMORE..
I guess I have to learn to close up myself more... not to let my emotional rule my head most the times.. yes.. I think thats what I should do.. Shut myself up to protect me from getting too emotional and not letting pain has the chance to creep in once again.. that way I might or might not be happier.. I don't know.. but that sounds like a pretty good idea.. Not getting hurt and not bothering anyone.. yeah... I like that..
But I am not letting go of you just yet... You still commands a important place in my heart.. and I will be waiting..