I cried alone at night... thats where my broken soul heals...
I thought I will never cry again for anyone... but I was wrong... so darn wrong..
It appears to me that by crying alone at night is the only solution to heal my broken soul... Cause no one can help you at all... No one...
I can't stop thinking... all those memories that I tried to suppress just keep coming back to my mind.. I felt so weak... I felt that I am almost losing my sanity just trying to do that..
I will stay up till late in the night just thinking or trying to stop thinking... Tears will flow endlessly and involuntarily and I can't do nothing about it..
Its Valentine's Day eve tonight..
I had planned out so many things to do with her, so many little surprises for her.... I even got ready my Valentine's gift way in advance for her.. just for tonight..
But now all these plans and surprises are useless... I felt lousy just thinking of that...
Now.. I can only wait.
Wait for her call.
I want to see her put on the gift that I bought for her. It will definitely look nice on her. I know. I hope I can see that.
In this lonely world of mine now... where I have a lot of thoughts and emotions that I can only write in here.. Its in here where I can really release all myself of that build up pressure... Its in here that I can slowly find myself back.. But to the world out there I will be the iceberg.. Cold and closed up..I even start to find myself not talking much.. I don't know why but I just don't feel like talking anymore.. I am shutting myself up slowly inside.
I made a promise to myself and to her... I will learn to control my emotions and no one will see me in that affected way anymore.. NO ONE.. Forgive me.. But I don't want to hurt anyone anymore.